Amicable Divorce in Ontario: A Guide to Peaceful Separation

Amicable divorces are possible, not unrealistic. They are within your reach, not pie in the sky.
Give an amicable divorce a chance, and avoid court appearances.
With a contested divorce you risk your separation descending into anger, bitterness and finger-pointing.
Stay clear of the court system, and work together for an amicable separation for the best of possible outcomes.
Good divorces are carefully negotiated and amicably arrived at.
Don’t bury your head in the sand and think that everything will be all right.

First, focus on an amicable separation agreement. It has been difficult times and you’ve finally made the decision to end your marriage. It’s been a hard conclusion to reach, with so much to consider and so many people likely to be affected by what’s going to happen next. Despite all this, you know it’s the right thing to do. You want an Amicable Divorce.

So how to separate amicably, how does an amicable divorce work when there is so much uncertainty lying ahead, there’s one thing you know for sure – you desperately don’t want your divorce to be a long, drawn-out battle through the courts that tears your family apart and ruins your financial future. You need to craft a separation agreement without court hearings.

How to divorce without despising your spouse, your bank account drained of funds by expensive legal action, and your children scarred for life from seeing their parents at each other’s throats. You want to avoid this scenario at all costs but don’t even know if it’s possible. Aren’t all divorces painful, acrimonious and generally awful? Isn’t this the way most marriages end?

The answer is no. There is a more peaceful way in which your marriage can come to a close. A way that more and more couples are choosing to pursue because it allows you to separate without overwhelming anger, bitterness and heartache and without the excessive costs associated with hiring family law lawyers to secure a divorce through the courts.

What is the best way to divorce - amicable divorce?

It means a divorce that ends peacefully and in a friendly and respectful way. If that sounds far-fetched given how much anger and bitterness is around in your relationship with your spouse right now, you need to believe that there is still a way to achieve an amicable separation and divorce.

Rather than the adversarial, courtroom based divorces where one partner’s lawyer tries to discredit the other partner, in an amicable separation and divorce, you and your spouse agree to work together to sort out your differences and reach an agreement in a way that involves minimal turmoil, little arguing and maximum co-operation. It’s an approach that’s less stressful for everyone involved, not to mention less costly.

With an amicable divorce, the negotiation process is the key.

Start By Both Deciding To Get A Blame-Free Divorce

No couple wants a disastrous divorce stick in the court system, compounding an already fraught situation. So by entering into your separation by being determined not to blame the other for the failure of your marriage, you’ll increase your chances of achieving an amicable divorce. Remember, there are many reasons why a marriage can fail, some beyond the control of either partner. And if you both accept that it’s over, why waste time, money and emotional energy on the blame game? There’s no point. It would be best if you moved on to matters you can affect.

Realise The Size Of The Impact Your Divorce Will Have

Of course, your divorce will impact you and your partner as well as your children and family too.

There will also be financial implications as a result of your separation. Be aware of this from the outset, and aware that you can choose to put others’ needs before your own. Be aware that you can also choose how you get divorced.

Don’t let your separation become bogged down by arguments concerning issues that don’t matter in the big scheme of things. Arguing over small details can drag out divorce proceedings for months if not years. Choose instead an amicable divorce by making sure the issues over which you dig your heels in and search for the best result are the most important ones to you.

While there are never any winners in divorce, choosing to participate in amicable divorce mediation will give you both a better chance of achieving a resolution that’s right for you and your children.

Approach Divorce Negotiations With A Spirit Of Compromise And Good Faith

Hiding assets or not being honest about your income are great ways to fast-track your divorce on the road to disaster. The truth will come out in the end, and hiding facts will only delay things and raise costs.

In an amicable and friendly divorce, you and your partner will agree to be honest and upfront about everything from day one, revealing all relevant financial information in an honest and truthful way. It’s a case of putting all your cards on the table, aka financial disclosure, so both parties can see assets, debts, incomes, bank accounts, tax returns and other information.

This is particularly important for the partner who has taken the lead on financial matters during the marriage. They are likely to know more than their spouse, but in an amicable settlement, this knowledge must be shared willingly and fully so both partners can make informed decisions.

It’s worth noting that agreement can be achieved in a collaborative joint divorce without you and your partner needing to be best friends. You just need to be able to trust each other.

Put The Needs Of Your Children First

What parent doesn’t feel the heartache of seeing the impact their divorce has on their children? Sharing parental responsibilities in a way that least disrupts your kids’ life has to be the chief aim of your divorce settlement, and that’s where getting an amicable divorce can make all the difference. By agreeing to divorce mediation you are demonstrating your commitment to resolving issues relating to your children and crafting child arrangements in a peaceful way that’s in their best interests. You’re proving you’re prepared to work together to ensure you’re both involved in your children’s lives and determined to preserve as much of the family finances so that your children don’t suffer as a result of a costly divorce.

Come To An Amicable Agreement In A Respectful And Dignified Way - Without Lawyers

As soon as you get lawyers involved in your divorce, you’re risking your separation descending into anger, bitterness and finger-pointing. Lawyers can make your divorce divisive, creating confrontation when there could be co-operation. Hostilities can get out of hand and you could find yourself pitted against you partner with your children stuck in the middle and the lawyers draining your finances.

Ask yourselves, are lawyers and court appearances worth it? Wouldn’t it be better for you and your family to seek an amicable divorce process, conducted in a spirit of respect and dignity?

Amicable divorce and divorce mediation can both take the heat out of situations that could otherwise get out of hand. You can choose to work with skilled divorce mediation specialists who will help you find peaceful solutions to property division, child arrangements, budgeting and more.

It’s all about taking a different, non-confrontational approach to your separation and negotiation process. You work together and respectfully communicate with each other to find a solution through mediation, a solution that will benefit your long-term financial health. A solution that avoids conflict and promotes harmony. That’s the power of an amicable divorce.

Where to find a Separation and Divorce Mediator & other Neutral Professionals

If you feel my Soft Landing Divorce Settlement Method is not a good fit for you or my location is not convenient (and Virtual or Remote Location Mediation is not an option.) It is still vital that you mediate your separation and divorce. You can find a Mediator listed at following organizations:

Other Professionals working as Neutrals

The Institute for Divorce Financial Analysts

How long can a divorce drag out?

Don’t bury your head in the sand and think that everything will be all right in the end if you choose to settle your divorce through the courts. There are some serious outcomes that could really happen to you if you don’t give an amicable divorce a chance.

Rethinking “Lawyering Up”

10 Reasons to Seek Mediation and Financial Guidance First in Divorce

In the throes of a divorce or separation, it’s tempting to seek legal advice immediately – after all, isn’t that what we’re taught to do? However, while legal guidance is crucial, it isn’t necessarily the best first step. Separation and divorce proceedings are about 90% about finances and children rather than purely legal matters. Today, let’s debunk this misconception and explore why it might be better to collaborate with a mediator and CDFA before reaching out to a lawyer.

Timing is Everything

Like in life, timing is everything when it comes to hiring a divorce lawyer. Knowing when to seek legal counsel during a divorce or separation is crucial to achieving the best possible outcome. Here are some key considerations to determine the right time to hire a divorce lawyer:

Control the Process: Working with a mediator and CDFA, you and your spouse maintain control over the process, making decisions collaboratively instead of dictating them by attorneys or the court.
Financial Clarity: A CDFA brings financial expertise to your case, helping you understand financial decisions’ short- and long-term implications.
Comprehensive Disclosure: These professionals guide you in gathering necessary disclosure documents, ensuring no financial stones are left unturned before consulting a lawyer.
Focused Negotiations: Mediators help parties stay focused on their real intentions and the main issues, preventing distractions from the path of resolution.
Cost-Effective: Mediation and financial analysis can often be more cost-effective than immediately “lawyering up” while offering comprehensive guidance.
Reduced Animosity: Opting for mediation first may reduce the antagonism between parties. The traditional “lawyering up” approach can create an adversarial atmosphere that fuels hostility.
Holistic Approach: Mediators and CDFAs consider monetary and non-monetary aspects, such as children’s welfare, providing a more holistic view of your situation.
Informed Legal Decisions: A solid understanding of your finances and intentions empowers you to make more informed decisions when seeking legal advice.
Protection of Rights: The modern family law system ensures your rights are protected – consulting a mediator or CDFA first doesn’t negate this protection.
Better for Children: Focusing on finances and children first helps create a more stable environment during this transition, which is often better for children.

Remember, the goal is to make your divorce or separation as smooth as possible for all involved. Therefore, starting with a mediator and CDFA might not be the traditional route. Still, it could be right for you, providing clarity, control, and a comprehensive view of your situation before you step into a lawyer’s office. As always, every situation is unique, so consider your options carefully and seek the best approach for your family.

How to have an Amicable divorce?

How to have a amicable separation

The Best Divorce Advice

You will have gathered from this that by far the best tip or strategy to follow if you want a good divorce is to secure the services of a good divorce mediator.

You will certainly need to secure the services of a divorce professional, as you’re unlikely to know enough about the technical aspects of getting divorced to get by without expert help.

But a mediator has the following advantages over a divorce lawyer:

You only need to hire one between you, not one each as you would with divorce lawyers
You negotiate your divorce in mediation, you don’t fight over it
You can resolve your differences way more cheaply in mediation than with litigation
Mediation is far quicker than taking your divorce through the cumbersome court system
You’re hiring a lawyer to represent you in court. Yet only 4% of divorces end in court. The vast majority are settled by negotiation. So get a good negotiator. Get a mediator.
The average divorce mediation is resolved in under 8 hours. And with mediators typically charging around the $200 per hour mark, you can get your divorce issues resolved for under $2000.

Final Thoughts

As we conclude this discussion on amicable divorce, it’s important to remember that the end of a marriage doesn’t have to be a battlefield. Many couples in North York and beyond have navigated the divorce process in a civil and uncontested manner, focusing on the best interests of all involved, especially the children.

An amicable divorce means that both spouses agree to resolve their differences without resorting to litigation. This involves a divorce mediator who facilitates negotiations, helping the parties to focus on the important points and avoid playing games that can prolong the process and increase legal fees.

In an amicable separation, the spouses work together to create a separation agreement that covers all aspects of their future lives, including child custody, child support, and spousal support. This agreement is a crucial step in the divorce process, as it helps to avoid the need for a family court judge to make these decisions.

The amicable divorce process also involves dealing with financial matters, such as dividing bank accounts and debts. It’s essential for both parties to be transparent about their financial situation to ensure a fair settlement.

In most cases, an amicable divorce is less stressful and more cost-effective than a contested one. It allows the spouses to maintain control over the process and negotiate the terms of their divorce amicably. This approach can significantly reduce the emotional toll on the spouses and their children, making it easier for everyone to move on with their lives.

Co-parenting is another important aspect of an amicable divorce. Both parents need to put their children’s lives and interests first, creating parenting plans that ensure the kids maintain a strong relationship with both parents.

Remember, the last thing you want to do during this difficult time is to fight over every detail. Instead, focus on the big picture and be willing to compromise where necessary.

In conclusion, an amicable divorce is not just about ending a marriage peacefully. It’s about preserving relationships, protecting the interests of children, and setting the stage for a positive future. It’s about understanding that while marriages end, life goes on, and it’s in everyone’s best interest to make this transition as smooth as possible.

If you’re considering an amicable divorce, consider hiring a divorce mediator. They can guide you through the process, help you negotiate a fair settlement, and ensure that your divorce is handled in the most respectful and dignified manner possible.

Remember, the goal is not to win the divorce, but to resolve it in a way that respects everyone’s interests and prepares all parties for the next chapter of their lives.

Need a divorce lawyer to end a marriage peacefully?

Damage Created in Family Court

Conclusion

Here’s a startling fact: about 50% of all lawyer-negotiated divorce settlements break down within 2 years. That means you’ll be back in court, starting a new fight over custody and access to the children and/or finances, pouring more money down the drain and opening up old wounds that have barely had time to heal.

And why do divorce lawyer created settlements crack under pressure? Because they aren’t real agreements that both partners have had a role in forming. They’ve been created by lawyers to paper over the cracks. Neither partner is really committed to them, increasing the likelihood of a breach of contract.

Amicable Dicorce Mediation, on the other hand, requires both spouses’ full involvement, and direct negotiation with each other until amicable agreement is reached. This usually means both spouses are more committed to honoring the terms of the settlement. It’s why a mere 5% of couples who use mediation to come to a separation agreement end up in court within 2 years.

If that’s not a clear and unequivocal reason for you to enter mediation rather than hire divorce lawyers, I don’t know what is. Thanks for reading.

Are you having trouble reaching an agreement on your finances? Do you want to avoid going before the judge and asking for help? Consider working with a family mediator who can help you end your marriage in a way that is peaceful, cost-effective, and child-focused.

Would you like to learn more? Get in touch for a Get Acquainted Call to learn more about finding a separation agreement with a soft landing.

About the Author:

Ken Maynard CDFA, Acc.FM

I assist intelligent and successful couples in crafting rapid, custom separation agreements that pave the way for a smooth transition towards a secure future. This efficient process is achieved in about four meetings, effectively sidestepping the excessive conflicts, confusion, and costs commonly linked to legal proceedings. Clients have the flexibility to collaborate with me either via video conference or in-person through a DTSW associate at any of our six Greater Toronto mediation centers, located in Aurora, Barrie, North York, Vaughan, Mississauga, and Scarborough.

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