Hiring the Best Divorce Lawyer for your Separation – Divorce in 2023
Some divorce lawyers will turn up their noses at mediation, they work in an adversarial world.
But be wary of lawyers whom family or friends describe as the ‘toughest in town’.
Avoid the suspicious or hostile or pessimistic lawyer at all costs.
Avoid warrior-style divorce lawyers at all costs.
Look instead for a divorce lawyer who takes a pragmatic approach.
A lawyer who seeks calm, not conflict. Who looks to solve problems, rather than create them.
Factor in the costs for their secretaries and paralegals, plus the time they pick up the phone to talk to the other lawyer
Most of the best divorce lawyers will be working in firms of five or fewer lawyers.
Are you aware of the qualities to look for in the best divorce lawyer in Toronto, or anywhere in Ontario for that matter? Finding a lawyer who aligns with your needs can be a challenging task. It requires diligent research and a thorough reading of divorce lawyer reviews. It’s essential to familiarize yourself with the legal service providers in your area and understand the associated costs. While it’s tempting to be drawn to the divorce lawyer with the most sophisticated website, the largest practice, or the most publicity, remember that these factors don’t necessarily indicate the best fit for your situation
But proceed with caution. A family law firm who’s regularly in the press, handling the most high-profile cases could well be a divorce lawyer who rides roughshod over the legal process. Not to mention the feelings and emotions of their clients and their families to gain exposure for themselves, often at great expense to their clients.
Of course, you will want to consider recommendations for divorce lawyers from friends who’ve been through their own separation. But be wary of lawyers whom family or friends describe as the ‘toughest in town’. That might sound tempting if you’re wanting to give yourself the best chance of getting a divorce settlement in your favour, but it’s likely to be a passport to long-lasting, bank account-draining litigation that will leave you and your family financially and emotionally damaged.
Hiring the Best Divorce Lawyer top 10 considerations
So how do you choose your separation and divorce lawyer?
Here are ten key things you need to consider before you hire an lawyer:
1 - ENSURE YOUR DIVORCE LAWYER HAS AT LEAST 10 YEARS’ EXPERIENCE
As with most professions, experience matters, and the more of it your divorce lawyer has, the better. All law is complex, and the more experienced a lawyer, the better their knowledge of the law and legal procedures will be. That’s vital to ensure they can give you the best legal advice at every stage of your divorce. Experience will also mean your divorce lawyer will know the legal norms that could affect your case in your part of the world.
Life experience is also important. If you have kids and can find a divorce lawyer who has children of their own, that will enable your lawyer to empathize more with your situation when the time comes to discuss parenting issues. Also, the more experienced in life they are, the more likely they are to know about the economic issues regarding having a family and managing a household budget.
There’s only one way you’re going to find out if a divorce lawyer has this kind of life experience and that’s by asking them. Don’t be shy, schedule an initial consultation to interview prospective lawyers ahead of hiring one. Your divorce lawyer could very well shape you and your family’s future, so you need to be confident about them, need to know they have the right personality, style, wisdom and values to be an asset to you.
2 - CHOOSE A DIVORCE LAWYER FROM A SMALLER LAW OFFICE
Factor in the time for their secretaries and paralegals, plus the charges they’ll levy on you every time they pick up the phone to talk to another lawyer, and it’s easy to see how costs can soon escalate.
If you want some figures to show you divorce lawyers price difference between small and big firms, I recently heard of a case where a husband went small firm, and his estranged wife opted for a partner at a major firm. Both divorce lawyers had a similar background and level of experience. The husband’s legal fees totalled $23,000. The wife paid $85,000. Same case. Same level of lawyer.
3 - OPT FOR CALM AND LEVEL-HEADED LAWYERS WHO ARE FOCUSED ON SETTLING YOUR CASE
Look instead for a divorce lawyer who takes a pragmatic approach to your case. Who seeks calm, not conflict. Who looks to solve problems in a timely manner, rather than create them.
Don’t be taken in by lawyers who try to play up the injustices of your situation and urge you to seek vindication in a court of law. They’ll make out like they are the gladiators going into battle to fight your corner. It’s all stirring stuff for sure, but be prepared for expensive and drawn-out legal battles that will most likely end a couple of years down the line with that self-same gladiatorial lawyer meekly suggesting you be pragmatic and settle with your partner out of court. All that expense and anguish for something that could have been sorted out amicably far more quickly and cheaply.
Also ask about the percentage of their cases that are settled. Less than 95% should get you suspicious. You want a family lawyer who gets cases settled out of court and uses litigation as a very last resort. Enquire about fees and how they work too. You don’t want a lawyer who obsesses about unimportant or unnecessary details. You want a lawyer who sees the bigger picture and who realises the importance of the long-term well-being of you and your family.
And finally, but perhaps most importantly, ask whether at the end of divorce proceedings you can still expect to be on speaking terms with your former partner. You want a lawyer who’s committed to helping you keep things amicable.
4 - ASSERTIVE DIVORCE LAWYERS ARE ALWAYS BETTER THAN AGGRESSIVE ONES
While lawyers who promise you the world and vow to get you the best divorce settlement known to mankind are likely to be the lawyers who attract your attention, you really want to avoid warrior-style divorce lawyers at all costs.
Seek a divorce lawyer who takes a rational approach to your situation. By quietly asserting their point of view, your lawyer will make much more of a positive impact than the lawyer who makes their point angrily and aggressively.
Run from these angry lawyers, and those who brag about all those courtroom battles they’ve won. You want a divorce lawyer who can reach a settlement without needing to set foot in a court of law.
Again, it’s only through discussion prior to hiring a divorce lawyer that you’ll be able to discover whether they are aggressive or assertive. Find out how they see the world. Are they a pessimist or optimist? Do they see people as generally decent or dangerous?
How a divorce lawyer thinks about people and the world will ultimately shape how they approach your divorce case. Avoid the suspicious or hostile or pessimistic lawyer at all costs.
5 - CHOOSE A DIVORCE LAWYER WHO UNDERSTANDS THE NEEDS OF CHILDREN
That’s why it’s important that your lawyer has experience of the real world, especially when it comes to children. If they have children of their own that counts in your favour, as they are likely to have an understanding of the emotional and financial implications divorce can have on families with children.
So ask your lawyer if they have children and the role they play in their upbringing. Get to know a divorce lawyer’s approach to children, and you’re likely to get a good idea of the kind of settlement they’ll help you reach when it comes to your children and your divorce.
6 - PICK A DIVORCE LAWYER WHO’S PREPARED TO HELP YOU IN MEDIATION
Even if you select to settle your divorce through mediation, you’re still going to need the services of a divorce lawyer. That’s especially true if your divorce mediation fails or only partially resolves your differences.
However, some divorce lawyers will turn up their noses at the thought of mediation. To them it’s distasteful and not really what divorce is about – remember, they work in an adversarial not amicable way.
But there are divorce lawyers out there who see the benefits of mediation and who will support you in your quest to arrive at a successful divorce settlement through mediation. These are the divorce lawyers you want to find. So ask them how many cases they’ve had where their client has had a successful mediation. Any experienced divorce lawyer who can’t point to multiple cases in which their client has enjoyed a successful mediation probably doesn’t really support the mediation process and should be avoided.
Other divorce lawyers will insist on being present at every mediation session, and while there’s sometimes a good reason for them to attend mediation with you, there’s absolutely no need for them to be there all of the time. If they are, they will undoubtedly try to take over the session, going against the purpose of mediation which is to ensure the spouses themselves control the sessions with guidance from the mediator.
What’s more, having lawyers present during mediation ramps up the price, as you and your spouse will end up paying for 3 professionals rather than just one. And trying to arrange times when all three are available? Well, good luck with that!
The whole point of divorce mediation is to reduce the role of lawyers in a divorce. Lawyers know that and don’t much like it. But don’t let them elbow their way into sessions where they’re not needed.
Choose instead, a family lawyer who will demonstrate the patience mediation requires to explain the various technical and legal aspects. This doesn’t come easy to some lawyers who are used to having clients who rarely ask questions and blindly trust their judgement.
And remember, much mediation can be conducted without lawyers. Just do your preparation, and get yourself a lawyer who’s prepared to talk you through any complexities that might confuse you. If a divorce lawyer can do this with grace and patience, they’re good for you. If they make everything sound complicated or talk to you in a condescending manner, keep looking for your ideal lawyer.
7 - PICK A LAWYER WHO WON’T CONSIDER DIRTY TRICKS AND TACTICS
That’s why you’ll sometimes be advised to have consultations with lawyers who have a reputation as being predators, because even though it might cost you some money, you can rule them out of the case by preventing them from representing your spouse.
So what do we mean when we say dirty tricks? Unfortunately, there are divorces that have been subject to all kinds of foul tactics:
- Raiding the family bank account or safety deposit boxes
- Using the threat of a custody battle to secure financial gain
- Threatening to seize the family assets
Any divorce lawyers who support such tactics should be avoided, as their presence will almost certainly prevent you from securing a soft landing.
8 - CHOOSE A DIVORCE LAWYER WHO CHARGES REASONABLE FEES
So how much does it cost for a divorce lawyer? While there aren’t any worthwhile divorce lawyers who come cheap, there is a vast difference between the fees charged by lawyers who basically have the same skills and experience.
Any lawyer who’s charging the average rate for your area is worth consideration. Lawyers who are charging way above need avoiding.
Here’s a guide to the prices for family lawyers in Toronto, Ontario. This will give you an answer to the question: how much do lawyers charge per hour in ontario?
Top rated divorce lawyers in the Greater Toronto Area (GTA) will charge $400-1000 per hour
Outside the GTA it’s $350-600 per hour
As in most areas if life, the more experienced the individual, the more they are likely to charge for their services. Many divorce lawyers have clients who’ve been unwilling or unable to pay their fees, which is why many look to secure a substantial retainer fee that ensures they get paid in advance. Retainers will secure you the services of that lawyer for a specified time, after which you’ll have to pay another retainer to keep their services. It’s not uncommon for retainers to reach $25,000. However, most divorce lawyers will usually look for between 15 to 20 hours of payment in advance.
But you can avoid paying a retainer altogether if you and your spouse are determined to enter mediation to resolve your differences. That way you can tell your divorce lawyer that you will pay them at the end of every consultation. Most reasonable divorce lawyers will agree to payment on these terms, and you should require around 5 hours of a divorce lawyers consultation time to resolve your differences, so big money retainers simply aren’t justified.
When it comes to cost comparisons, there really is no contest in divorce lawyers vs mediators. Divorce lawyers will prove way more expensive pretty much every time.
Of course, if you want to swerve mediation altogether, then the fee you’ll end up paying your divorce lawyer will depend on:
- How demanding you are of your lawyer’s time
- If you need regular reassurance or clarification about certain matters
- How many times you phone your lawyer (they will charge you for every call, which could cost you several thousand dollars per case)
It follows that the less you need to engage your lawyer in your divorce, the less you will have to pay them. To keep lawyers at arm’s length for as long as possible means you and your spouse will need to find ways to negotiate between yourselves. Try and come to agreement about things like parenting and finances without embroiling expensive lawyers in the matter. The more you and your spouse involve your lawyers, the more your divorce will cost you. It’s really that simple.
Watch out too, for lawyers who are too detail obsessed. Some, for example, will insist on seeing every cheque you and your spouse have written in the last 5 years. This isn’t always necessary and can be seen as a tactic to get you paying more for their services. With such lawyers, it’s a good idea to get them to seek your consent every time they propose to, for example, make a demand for depositions, expert reports or file court motions. That way you will at least have some control over costs.
As regards divorce lawyers fees, it’s also well worth noting that there’s no data that exists to show the bigger the legal fees you pay, the bigger your chance of success. If you pay big fees in a divorce, it’s because you’ve frequently called on or required the services of your divorce lawyer. And usually this happens in angry and aggressive divorces. Every dollar you and your spouse spend on legal fees shows just how much you both have failed to mutually reach an amicable agreement concerning your separation.
9 - YOUR LAWYER’S GENDER – IT REALLY DOESN’T MATTER
Some spouses who are getting divorced think that if they’re female they need a female lawyer and the same for males. But during my over 10 years in the business, I’ve seen absolutely no evidence to justify this gender bias.
The skills that make a great divorce lawyer aren’t the preserve of one gender or another. I know top Ontario divorce lawyers some of whom are male, others female. Just as I know lousy male and female lawyers too. Top divorce lawyers in Ontario can be male or female, and it’s likely to be the same story in your local area.
So when choosing a lawyer, by far the most important factors are their personality, their fees and your belief that they can do a great job. Their gender should not come into the equation. There is no such thing as ideal divorce lawyers for men or the best divorce lawyers for women. There is only the divorce lawyer who’s right for you.
10 - CHOOSE A LAWYER WHO HAS TIME FOR YOU
There’s nothing worse than a divorce lawyer who simply doesn’t have the time to commit to your case. As you search for a divorce lawyer, you’ll find some lawyers who are maybe just starting out will have plenty of time for you as they have few other clients. Others may be so overloaded with work, they will almost certainly hire associates to do much of their work for them.
If your divorce lawyer is from a well-managed practice, they should have ample time for you, because they will have taken on just the right amount of work they can handle.
- They take ages to respond to your calls or a call from your spouse’s lawyer
- They file documents at the last moment
- They seek delays and adjournments to legal proceedings because they haven’t had time to deal with matters
Overworked lawyers aren’t good for a number of reasons:
- They’re likely to be stressed and therefore not able to give you their best work and full attention.
- They will cause your case to be delayed and dragged out, leaving your family to spend more time in limbo before anything gets resolved
In a divorce, you want a settlement reached sooner rather than later, and a lawyer who has the time to commit to your case will get you that settlement more quickly.
Look for reviews that mention the lawyer’s professionalism, communication skills, and success in previous cases. Remember, everyone’s situation is unique, so what worked for one person may not work for you.
Yes, some divorce lawyers specialize in cases involving narcissistic spouses. These lawyers understand the unique challenges and tactics often used in these situations.
Yes, there are lawyers who specialize in representing men in divorce cases. They understand the unique challenges and concerns men often face in these situations.
The cost of hiring a divorce lawyer can vary greatly depending on the complexity of the case, the lawyer’s experience, and the region. It’s important to discuss fees upfront to understand the financial commitment involved.
Rethinking “Lawyering Up”
10 Reasons to Seek Mediation and Financial Guidance First in Divorce
In the throes of a divorce or separation, it’s tempting to seek legal advice immediately – after all, isn’t that what we’re taught to do? However, while legal guidance is crucial, it isn’t necessarily the best first step. Separation and divorce proceedings are about 90% about finances and children rather than purely legal matters. Today, let’s debunk this misconception and explore why it might be better to collaborate with a mediator and ADFA before reaching out to a lawyer.
Timing is Everything
Like in life, timing is everything when it comes to hiring a divorce lawyer. Knowing when to seek legal counsel during a divorce or separation is crucial to achieving the best possible outcome. Here are some key considerations to determine the right time to hire a divorce lawyer:
Control the Process: Working with a mediator and ADFA, you and your spouse maintain control over the process, making decisions collaboratively instead of dictating them by attorneys or the court.
Financial Clarity: A ADFA brings financial expertise to your case, helping you understand financial decisions’ short- and long-term implications.
Comprehensive Disclosure: These professionals guide you in gathering necessary disclosure documents, ensuring no financial stones are left unturned before consulting a lawyer.
Focused Negotiations: Mediators help parties stay focused on their real intentions and the main issues, preventing distractions from the path of resolution.
Cost-Effective: Mediation and financial analysis can often be more cost-effective than immediately “lawyering up” while offering comprehensive guidance.
Reduced Animosity: Opting for mediation first may reduce the antagonism between parties. The traditional “lawyering up” approach can create an adversarial atmosphere that fuels hostility.
Holistic Approach: Mediators and ADFAs consider monetary and non-monetary aspects, such as children’s welfare, providing a more holistic view of your situation.
Informed Legal Decisions: A solid understanding of your finances and intentions empowers you to make more informed decisions when seeking legal advice.
Protection of Rights: The modern family law system ensures your rights are protected – consulting a mediator or ADFA first doesn’t negate this protection.
Better for Children: Focusing on finances and children first helps create a more stable environment during this transition, which is often better for children.
Remember, the goal is to make your divorce or separation as smooth as possible for all involved. Therefore, starting with a mediator and ADFA might not be the traditional route. Still, it could be right for you, providing clarity, control, and a comprehensive view of your situation before you step into a lawyer’s office. As always, every situation is unique, so consider your options carefully and seek the best approach for your family.
Going Through Divorce: A Litigant’s Perspective” - Video
Anthony spent many years in family court. Hear the valuable feedback from someone who has been there and back. I want to give special thanks to Anthony for being so brave in sharing this very personal experience and to Heather Hui -Litwin for the interview video. Sure enough what happened to Anthony, sounds a lot like what happens to most in family court.
Interview: The Litigants Prospective
Conclusion: For the right family and divorce lawyer:
Even if you hire the most virtuous lawyer you can find, the other side might hook up with a barracuda, and your legal fees will be astounding. It is better to engage a single professional who is neutral and will work it all out in a few mediation sessions without paying a couple of lawyers to fight.
Going through a separation can be an emotionally challenging and complex process. As both a Mediator and a Accredited Divorce Financial Analyst (ADFA), I am uniquely positioned to help you navigate the intricacies of your separation, ensuring a fair and equitable resolution that takes into account the financial and emotional well-being of all parties involved.
My dual qualifications enable me to address the various aspects of your separation, from managing conflict and facilitating productive communication to providing expert guidance on the financial implications of your decisions. By working together, we can create a tailored and comprehensive solution that supports your needs and lays the foundation for a secure and harmonious future.
Take the first step towards a more secure and peaceful future by scheduling a Get Acquainted Call with me today. During our call, we can discuss your specific circumstances and explore how my services can support you during this critical time.
Ready to take control of your future? Click the button below to schedule your Get Acquainted Call now.
Articles that may interest You!
since you’re here…
Do you value fair costs, compressed timelines, your well-being and a favourable outcome?
If you have children, are approaching retirement, or simply in the primary pursuits of life, no matter what your station in life, separation and divorce often presents some unique challenges. That said reaching a settlement should not break you financially or break your family. Like life, Separation and divorce also have their stages. The early decisions you make and the path you take are directly connected to the quality of your outcome.
The path you take
Let’s hear from Divorce Industry insiders about lawyers and litigation.
“Entering the litigation process forces people to take an adversarial stance because that’s the way the system is designed.”
“Because a court can only do so many things, the answers are impeaching us already. Has to be custody, has to be access, has to be amount of support, has to be division of assets, in a way that the law stipulates. So they’re very bounded by the results because a court can only order so many things.”
“Lawyers unfortunately because that’s their job, tend to reinforce that [adversarial stance]. When you have people who are hurt, who are in crises, who are afraid, who are worried, and they see it as a war. And that’s really dreadful for kids”
June Maresca – Family Court Judge
“The process requires people to bring out the worst in each other. My ex-husband is like this and like that, all the most horrible things. My ex-wife is like this and like that, it brings out the worst in people. So the other party reading that gets their back up and retaliates.”
“She said I knew that our marriage was broken, but after the litigation our family was broken. And it just, it broke my heart.”
Toni Pietrantoni – Family Law Lawyer
“Once you thrown mud at somebody and they throw mud back at you, it typically gets to the point where the hate level does not decrease, the hate level increases.”
“When I see litigation, it’s based on a binary system. You either win or you lose, or on an issue, you’re right or you’re wrong.”
Richard Bennett – Family Law Lawyer
“And at one point my mom said well you have to choose who you’re going to live with, me or your dad. And I couldn’t study for about a good two months and we had finals coming up, so it was difficult.”
Child of Divorce
“The time has come for a fresh conceptual approach to resolution of family disputes in Ontario”
Warren Winkler – Ontario Chief Justice 2007 – 2013
“The empirical evidence shows that it isn’t necessarily the separation and the divorcing of parents that creates the psychological and emotional damage in children, it is the conflict that happens afterwards.”
Julia Haasz – Family Law Lawyer
“The litigation process is expensive, time-consuming, and it’s not going to have the effect people think it’s going to have.”
Francine E. Van Melle – Family Court Judge
What about Self-Representation?
The family court system has seen a terrific increase in the number of self-represented litigants (self-reps, or SRLs) over the past few years. But what does it mean to be a self-rep? Judges and lawyers, as well as the system itself, are all struggling to understand who how to better accommodate self-reps in a system built upon the expectation of both parties having lawyers to act for them.
The National Self-represented Litigants Project revealed some disturbing figures. Over a period of 4 years and 3 months ending April 6, 2016, in Ontario Superior Court cases where there was one self-rep and one represented client, the self-rep won only 14% of the time and lost 73% of the time. (The remainder resulted in no orders or split orders.) While there are many explanations for this, it’s clear that a person without any legal help or assistance is facing an uneven playing field.
The resolution value ladder
The further down the resolution value ladder you start, the higher cost go, and the longer timelines extend. Bypass low-value processes and start with the high-value mediation process. Whether you have a settlement in mind and just need a separation agreement prepared or need assistance reaching a settlement, contain costs and conflict by working with a neutral third-party – mediator.
Learn more about Soft Landing Divorce Settlement Method
“Research tells us the greater the degree to which the parents own the outcome, the greater the likelihood they will actually follow through, and that reduces the conflict.”
“People are like snowflakes, families are like snowflakes. No two are the same. And so the benefit of a collaborative process, there is no rubber stamp, there is no template that anyone has to fit in to”
Gary Direnfeld Social Worker MSW, RSW
Ken Maynard ADFA, Acc.FM
I assist intelligent and successful couples in crafting clear and straightforward separation agreements, ensuring a smooth transition towards a secure future. This is achieved in four meetings or less, sidestepping the excessive conflicts, confusion, and costs often associated with legal proceedings. You have the option to collaborate with me via video conference or in-person with a DTSW associate at any of our six Greater Toronto mediation centers, located in Aurora, Barrie, North York, Vaughan, Mississauga, and Scarborough.
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Ken Maynard ADFA, Acc.FMhttps://divorcethesmartway.ca/author/wardman/May 23, 2023
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Ken Maynard ADFA, Acc.FMhttps://divorcethesmartway.ca/author/wardman/May 20, 2022
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Ken Maynard ADFA, Acc.FMhttps://divorcethesmartway.ca/author/wardman/June 1, 2023
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Ken Maynard ADFA, Acc.FMhttps://divorcethesmartway.ca/author/wardman/March 17, 2022