Hiring the Best Divorce Lawyer for your Separation – Divorce in 2023

As with most professions, experience matters, and the more of it your divorce lawyer has, the better. All law is complex, and the more experienced a lawyer, the better their knowledge of the law and legal procedures will be. That’s vital to ensure they can give you the best legal advice at every stage of your divorce. Experience will also mean your divorce lawyer will know the legal norms that could affect your case in your part of the world.

Life experience is also important. If you have kids and can find a divorce lawyer who has children of their own, that will enable your lawyer to empathize more with your situation when the time comes to discuss parenting issues. Also, the more experienced in life they are, the more likely they are to know about the economic issues regarding having a family and managing a household budget.

There’s only one way you’re going to find out if a divorce lawyer has this kind of life experience and that’s by asking them. Don’t be shy, schedule an initial consultation to interview prospective lawyers ahead of hiring one. Your divorce lawyer could very well shape you and your family’s future, so you need to be confident about them, need to know they have the right personality, style, wisdom and values to be an asset to you.

Don’t get carried away by divorce lawyers who are part of a big full service law firm with offices all over the world and a website with all the bells and whistles.

Most of the best divorce lawyers will be working in firms of ten or less lawyers. Bigger law offices will just have a couple of divorce lawyers who will usually be there to handle work generated by their corporate client base. What’s more, big firm lawyers are likely to charge much higher fees (how do you think they afford that website?). And the pressure is usually on for big firm divorce lawyers to rack up the billable hours. That often means they’ll delegate work to their associates and bill your for their associate’s time as well as their own.

Factor in the time for their secretaries and paralegals, plus the charges they’ll levy on you every time they pick up the phone to talk to another lawyer, and it’s easy to see how costs can soon escalate.

If you want some figures to show you divorce lawyers price difference between small and big firms, I recently heard of a case where a husband went small firm, and his estranged wife opted for a partner at a major firm. Both divorce lawyers had a similar background and level of experience. The husband’s legal fees totalled $23,000. The wife paid $85,000. Same case. Same level of lawyer.

The last thing you need in an already emotionally fraught divorce case is a lawyer who’s over-excitable or too readily prepared to use your indignation and anger to ‘get one over’ on your spouse, and turn the already adversarial divorce process into an all-out public battle.

Look instead for a divorce lawyer who takes a pragmatic approach to your case. Who seeks calm, not conflict. Who looks to solve problems in a timely manner, rather than create them.

Don’t be taken in by lawyers who try to play up the injustices of your situation and urge you to seek vindication in a court of law. They’ll make out like they are the gladiators going into battle to fight your corner. It’s all stirring stuff for sure, but be prepared for expensive and drawn-out legal battles that will most likely end a couple of years down the line with that self-same gladiatorial lawyer meekly suggesting you be pragmatic and settle with your partner out of court. All that expense and anguish for something that could have been sorted out amicably far more quickly and cheaply.

How do you find out what type of divorce lawyer someone is? Again, you need to ask. Ask how many cases they take to trial per year. If they say anything above three or four, run a mile. That’s way too many and suggests they are not doing enough to reach a divorce settlement out of court.

Also ask about the percentage of their cases that are settled. Less than 95% should get you suspicious. You want a family lawyer who gets cases settled out of court and uses litigation as a very last resort. Enquire about fees and how they work too. You don’t want a lawyer who obsesses about unimportant or unnecessary details. You want a lawyer who sees the bigger picture and who realises the importance of the long-term well-being of you and your family.

And finally, but perhaps most importantly, ask whether at the end of divorce proceedings you can still expect to be on speaking terms with your former partner. You want a lawyer who’s committed to helping you keep things amicable.

While lawyers who promise you the world and vow to get you the best divorce settlement known to mankind are likely to be the lawyers who attract your attention, you really want to avoid warrior-style divorce lawyers at all costs.

Sure, your divorce lawyer needs to be assertive. There’s no room for shrinking violets in this line of business. But there’s no room for aggression either. Aggressive lawyers are likely to antagonize your partner and their legal representatives and that can just stir up a whole world of trouble.

Seek a divorce lawyer who takes a rational approach to your situation.  By quietly asserting their point of view, your lawyer will make much more of a positive impact than the lawyer who makes their point angrily and aggressively.

Run from these angry lawyers, and those who brag about all those courtroom battles they’ve won. You want a divorce lawyer who can reach a settlement without needing to set foot in a court of law.

Again, it’s only through discussion prior to hiring a divorce lawyer that you’ll be able to discover whether they are aggressive or assertive. Find out how they see the world. Are they a pessimist or optimist? Do they see people as generally decent or dangerous?

How a divorce lawyer thinks about people and the world will ultimately shape how they approach your divorce case. Avoid the suspicious or hostile or pessimistic lawyer at all costs.

If you don’t have children, you can skip this point. But if you do, it’s vital you read this, because if you and your spouse have any disagreements regarding how parenting responsibilities will be shared between you, the advice you get from your divorce lawyer will be crucial.

That’s why it’s important that your lawyer has experience of the real world, especially when it comes to children. If they have children of their own that counts in your favour, as they are likely to have an understanding of the emotional and financial implications divorce can have on families with children.

So ask your lawyer if they have children and the role they play in their upbringing. Get to know a divorce lawyer’s approach to children, and you’re likely to get a good idea of the kind of settlement they’ll help you reach when it comes to your children and your divorce.

Even if you select to settle your divorce through mediation, you’re still going to need the services of a divorce lawyer. That’s especially true if your divorce mediation fails or only partially resolves your differences.

However, some divorce lawyers will turn up their noses at the thought of mediation. To them it’s distasteful and not really what divorce is about – remember, they work in an adversarial not amicable way.

But there are divorce lawyers out there who see the benefits of mediation and who will support you in your quest to arrive at a successful divorce settlement through mediation. These are the divorce lawyers you want to find. So ask them how many cases they’ve had where their client has had a successful mediation. Any experienced divorce lawyer who can’t point to multiple cases in which their client has enjoyed a successful mediation probably doesn’t really support the mediation process and should be avoided.

There are some lawyers who have a reputation for ruining any mediation they get involved with. I personally know of several, and when clients tell me they are going to hire one of those lawyers, I simply tell them not to waste their time with mediation, because I know it’s going to get nowhere.

Other divorce lawyers will insist on being present at every mediation session, and while there’s sometimes a good reason for them to attend mediation with you, there’s absolutely no need for them to be there all of the time. If they are, they will undoubtedly try to take over the session, going against the purpose of mediation which is to ensure the spouses themselves control the sessions with guidance from the mediator.

What’s more, having lawyers present during mediation ramps up the price, as you and your spouse will end up paying for 3 professionals rather than just one. And trying to arrange times when all three are available? Well, good luck with that!

The whole point of divorce mediation is to reduce the role of lawyers in a divorce. Lawyers know that and don’t much like it. But don’t let them elbow their way into sessions where they’re not needed.

Choose instead, a family lawyer who will demonstrate the patience mediation requires to explain the various technical and legal aspects. This doesn’t come easy to some lawyers who are used to having clients who rarely ask questions and blindly trust their judgement.

And remember, much mediation can be conducted without lawyers. Just do your preparation, and get yourself a lawyer who’s prepared to talk you through any complexities that might confuse you. If a divorce lawyer can do this with grace and patience, they’re good for you. If they make everything sound complicated or talk to you in a condescending manner, keep looking for your ideal lawyer.

If your divorce lawyer is someone who’ll do whatever it takes to get a result, including resorting to dirty tricks, do not hire this lawyer. Lawyers tricks and tactics will not help you reach an amicable divorce. But once you’ve had a professional consultation with them, they will be regarded as ‘conflicted out’, which means they won’t be able to represent your spouse in any divorce.

That’s why you’ll sometimes be advised to have consultations with lawyers who have a reputation as being predators, because even though it might cost you some money, you can rule them out of the case by preventing them from representing your spouse.

So what do we mean when we say dirty tricks? Unfortunately, there are divorces that have been subject to all kinds of foul tactics:

• Raiding the family bank account or safety deposit boxes
• Using the threat of a custody battle to secure financial gain
• Threatening to seize the family assets

Any divorce lawyers who support such tactics should be avoided, as their presence will almost certainly prevent you from securing a soft landing.

So how much does it cost for a divorce lawyer? While there aren’t any worthwhile divorce lawyers who come cheap, there is a vast difference between the fees charged by lawyers who basically have the same skills and experience.

One of the first questions you’ll need to ask during a divorce lawyers consultation is what’s that particular divorce lawyers hourly rate? Ask about their billing practices and their expectations for your case. Do your research beforehand, so you’ll know what’s reasonable in your area. Get them to supply you with the names and contact information of other lawyers or accountants they’ve worked with.

Any lawyer who’s charging the average rate for your area is worth consideration. Lawyers who are charging way above need avoiding.

Here’s a guide to the prices for family lawyers in Toronto, Ontario. This will give you an answer to the question: how much do lawyers charge per hour in ontario?

Top rated divorce lawyers in the Greater Toronto Area (GTA) will charge $400-1000 per hour
Outside the GTA it’s $350-600 per hour

As in most areas if life, the more experienced the individual, the more they are likely to charge for their services. Many divorce lawyers have clients who’ve been unwilling or unable to pay their fees, which is why many look to secure a substantial retainer fee that ensures they get paid in advance. Retainers will secure you the services of that lawyer for a specified time, after which you’ll have to pay another retainer to keep their services. It’s not uncommon for retainers to reach $25,000. However, most divorce lawyers will usually look for between 15 to 20 hours of payment in advance.

But you can avoid paying a retainer altogether if you and your spouse are determined to enter mediation to resolve your differences. That way you can tell your divorce lawyer that you will pay them at the end of every consultation. Most reasonable divorce lawyers will agree to payment on these terms, and you should require around 5 hours of a divorce lawyers consultation time to resolve your differences, so big money retainers simply aren’t justified.

When it comes to cost comparisons, there really is no contest in divorce lawyers vs mediators. Divorce lawyers will prove way more expensive pretty much every time.

Of course, if you want to swerve mediation altogether, then the fee you’ll end up paying your divorce lawyer will depend on:

• How demanding you are of your lawyer’s time
• If you need regular reassurance or clarification about certain matters
• How many times you phone your lawyer (they will charge you for every call, which could cost you several thousand dollars per case)

It follows that the less you need to engage your lawyer in your divorce, the less you will have to pay them. To keep lawyers at arm’s length for as long as possible means you and your spouse will need to find ways to negotiate between yourselves. Try and come to agreement about things like parenting and finances without embroiling expensive lawyers in the matter. The more you and your spouse involve your lawyers, the more your divorce will cost you. It’s really that simple.

Watch out too, for lawyers who are too detail obsessed. Some, for example, will insist on seeing every cheque you and your spouse have written in the last 5 years. This isn’t always necessary and can be seen as a tactic to get you paying more for their services. With such lawyers, it’s a good idea to get them to seek your consent every time they propose to, for example, make a demand for depositions, expert reports or file court motions. That way you will at least have some control over costs.

As regards divorce lawyers fees, it’s also well worth noting that there’s no data that exists to show the bigger the legal fees you pay, the bigger your chance of success. If you pay big fees in a divorce, it’s because you’ve frequently called on or required the services of your divorce lawyer. And usually this happens in angry and aggressive divorces. Every dollar you and your spouse spend on legal fees shows just how much you both have failed to mutually reach an amicable agreement concerning your separation.

Some spouses who are getting divorced think that if they’re female they need a female lawyer and the same for males. But during my over 10 years in the business, I’ve seen absolutely no evidence to justify this gender bias.

The skills that make a great divorce lawyer aren’t the preserve of one gender or another. I know top Ontario divorce lawyers some of whom are male, others female. Just as I know lousy male and female lawyers too. Top divorce lawyers in Ontario can be male or female, and it’s likely to be the same story in your local area.

So when choosing a lawyer, by far the most important factors are their personality, their fees and your belief that they can do a great job. Their gender should not come into the equation. There is no such thing as ideal divorce lawyers for men or the best divorce lawyers for women. There is only the divorce lawyer who’s right for you.