How My Virtual Divorce Mediation Process Works

Your divorce mediation doesn’t have to go on hold just because of the coronavirus outbreak. You can keep social distancing and still get the benefits of professional mediation services via virtual mediation. All you need is a screen, an internet connection and an expert mediator.

Here at Divorce the Smartway, we’ve been providing clients with online mediation services for several years. And it’s proving amazingly efficient and effective. So if you’re wanting your mediation to continue while you’re in lockdown or keeping your social distance, here’s how you can move towards a legal separation agreement without leaving self-isolation.

Scheduling Virtual Mediation Sessions

Much like with face-to-face mediation, the first step is to schedule a time for both spouses to sit down with a mediator. With virtual mediation, there’s no need for anyone to travel anywhere except into your lounge, kitchen, whichever room in your house you feel most comfortable in—you can even sit in your car.

Appointments can be scheduled to suit the time of day that works best for both of you. Because people don’t have to be in the same room at the same time, virtual mediation offers the ultimate flexibility.

Preparing For Virtual Mediation Sessions

Virtual Divorce Mediation

When you schedule a virtual mediation session with me, in advance I will send both spouses an email in which I ask what issues each of you wants to focus on in the forthcoming session. This gives the sessions structure and ensures the most important matters for each spouse are dealt with.

During Virtual Mediation Sessions

The sessions themselves take on a facilitated conference call format.  When appropriate, I will use what’s known as shuttle diplomacy. This involves me talking with each of you individually on a one-on-one basis and they relaying your position to the other spouse. I’ll take turns speaking to each spouse and we’ll go back and forth until the issue is resolved.

After Virtual Mediation Sessions

Following our session, I will write down a memorandum of the agreements that were reached during that session, and I will send them via email to each spouse.

The Benefits of Virtual Mediation

Of course, virtual mediation has benefits in terms of making it easier for both spouses to fit in a session around their other commitments. And for spouses who might be experiencing severe problems with each other, not having to share the same room can ease any fears or worries, and give each the confidence to state their case.

Other benefits of virtual mediation include:

  • The chance to settle your differences between yourselves, without judges or lawyers making your decisions.

  • A better chance of coming to a settlement that’s agreeable to both spouses. That’s because both of you will be involved in reaching a consensus. Any agreement is yours, not one that’s been imposed on you by outsiders

  • The mediation process can be customized to suit your needs, values, and ultimate goals. Each of you knows better than any lawyer or judge your past history, family situation, and future goals. You can use all this to shape a settlement that’s agreeable to you both.

  • Mediated settlements can involve and resolve all issues that specifically affect you. This contrasts with court-based proceedings in which the court’s power is limited to specific issues, so often results in parties having to settle various other matters out of court.

  • You can avoid the damaging effects of a confrontational divorce. If you have children, they won’t be caught in the crossfire, because in mediation, parents work together to find a mutually agreeable resolution, with the children’s best interests at heart.

  • You can enjoy a better co-parenting relationship after reaching a mediated settlement. That’s because much of the anger and bitterness is absent from mediated settlements when compared to adversarial lawyer-based divorces. So spouses are more likely to approach future parenting responsibilities in a spirit of goodwill and cooperation.

  • Mediation often gets results faster than litigation. And resolving divorces quickly is good for spouses, children, and finances. That’s not to say that mitigation is rushed. The speed at which your mediated divorce progresses can be dictated by your personal needs, your family responsibilities and the demands of your career. That contrasts to litigation in which both spouses are often at the mercy of their lawyers’ availability and the Judge’s calendar.

  • A more satisfactory outcome is likely for couples who divorce through mediation. That’s the conclusion of several studies, and it stands to reason. The more involved you are in shaping the nature of a settlement, the more likely you are to be happy with it and adhere to it. This is supported by evidence that shows divorcees who choose the mediation route are more likely to pay their child and spousal support contributions on time.

  • All face-to-face contact can be avoided with virtual mediation. The power of the internet means that mediation sessions can be conducted wherever in the world the mediator and the spouses are (as long as you have a good internet connection).

  • Mediation enables spouses to maintain their privacy. All mediation sessions are private, whereas litigated divorces are a matter for public record through the Family Law Courts

Virtual Mediation is the way forward

In the current climate where social distancing is required, virtual mediation is the way forward for all spouses who don’t wish to put their separation plans on hold.

If you’re already engaged in virtual mediation, your sessions can continue as before. For those switching from face-to-face mediation to virtual mediation, and for those who are about to embark on your separation journey, you can help virtual mediation work for you by ensuring:

  • Both of you can and are prepared to make your own decisions independently
  • Both of you want a significant input into the divorce process
  • Both of you want control over the decisions that will ultimately shape the nature of your settlement
  • Both spouses are willing to participate fully in mediation sessions
  • You both want an experienced professional guiding you through your divorce
  • Both of you are prepared to engage in negotiations in good faith in order to reach a resolution
Divorce Mediation Ontario

Conclusion

Whatever your circumstances, whether you have children or not, whether you’re wealthy or not, whether you are a high or low conflict couple, your divorce does not have to involve litigation. You can avoid the expense of hiring lawyers, dodge the pain of a ‘them versus us’ divorce, and choose the amicable path that’s offered by virtual mediation.

Would you like to learn more? Get in touch for a Get Acquainted Call to learn more about finding a separation agreement with a soft landing.

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since you’re here…

Do you value fair costs, compressed timelines, your well-being and a favourable outcome?
If you have children, are approaching retirement, or simply in the primary pursuits of life, no matter what your station in life, separation and divorce often presents some unique challenges. That said reaching a settlement should not break you financially or break your family. Like life, Separation and divorce also have their stages. The early decisions you make and the path you take are directly connected to the quality of your outcome.

The path you take

Let’s hear from Divorce Industry insiders about lawyers and litigation.

“Entering the litigation process forces people to take an adversarial stance because that’s the way the system is designed.”

“Because a court can only do so many things, the answers are impeaching us already. Has to be custody, has to be access, has to be amount of support, has to be division of assets, in a way that the law stipulates. So they’re very bounded by the results because a court can only order so many things.”

“Lawyers unfortunately because that’s their job, tend to reinforce that [adversarial stance]. When you have people who are hurt, who are in crises, who are afraid, who are worried, and they see it as a war. And that’s really dreadful for kids”

June Maresca – Family Court Judge

“The process requires people to bring out the worst in each other. My ex-husband is like this and like that, all the most horrible things. My ex-wife is like this and like that, it brings out the worst in people. So the other party reading that gets their back up and retaliates.”

“She said I knew that our marriage was broken, but after the litigation our family was broken. And it just, it broke my heart.”

Toni Pietrantoni – Family Law Lawyer

“Once you thrown mud at somebody and they throw mud back at you, it typically gets to the point where the hate level does not decrease, the hate level increases.”

“When I see litigation, it’s based on a binary system. You either win or you lose, or on an issue, you’re right or you’re wrong.”

Richard Bennett – Family Law Lawyer

“And at one point my mom said well you have to choose who you’re going to live with, me or your dad. And I couldn’t study for about a good two months and we had finals coming up, so it was difficult.”

Child of Divorce

“The time has come for a fresh conceptual approach to resolution of family disputes in Ontario”

Warren Winkler – Ontario Chief Justice  2007 – 2013

“The empirical evidence shows that it isn’t necessarily the separation and the divorcing of parents that creates the psychological and emotional damage in children, it is the conflict that happens afterwards.”

Julia Haasz  – Family Law Lawyer

“The litigation process is expensive, time-consuming, and it’s not going to have the effect people think it’s going to have.”

Francine E. Van Melle  – Family Court Judge

What about Self-Representation?

The family court system has seen a terrific increase in the number of self-represented litigants (self-reps, or SRLs) over the past few years. But what does it mean to be a self-rep? Judges and lawyers, as well as the system itself, are all struggling to understand who how to better accommodate self-reps in a system built upon the expectation of both parties having lawyers to act for them.

The National Self-represented Litigants Project revealed some disturbing figures. Over a period of 4 years and 3 months ending April 6, 2016, in Ontario Superior Court cases where there was one self-rep and one represented client, the self-rep won only 14% of the time and lost 73% of the time. (The remainder resulted in no orders or split orders.) While there are many explanations for this, it’s clear that a person without any legal help or assistance is facing an uneven playing field.

The resolution value ladder

The resolution value ladder

The further down the resolution value ladder you start, the higher cost go, and the longer timelines extend. Bypass low-value processes and start with the high-value mediation process. Whether you have a settlement in mind and just need a separation agreement prepared or need assistance reaching a settlement, contain costs and conflict by working with a neutral third-party – mediator.

Learn more about Soft Landing Divorce Settlement Method

“Research tells us the greater the degree to which the parents own the outcome, the greater the likelihood they will actually follow through, and that reduces the conflict.”

“People are like snowflakes, families are like snowflakes. No two are the same. And so the benefit of a collaborative process, there is no rubber stamp, there is no template that anyone has to fit in to”

Gary Direnfeld Social Worker MSW, RSW