Preparing Yourself for Mediation Tips – Checklist
If want what’s best for your children, and approaching custody in a negative way won’t get you there.
Drop any preconceived notion about how you want such a case to be resolved.
A key to-do when preparing for mediation is to gather everything.
An expert mediation can cost you from $4,000 to $8,000. This cost will be split between the parties
Be ready to make some sacrifices.
Be realistic with asset valuation.
Try not to let your emotions get the better of you.
Until every issue is settled, ensure that the status quo is maintained.
How to get what you want in divorce mediation
You and your spouse have decided it’s time to separate. What’s next? If you’ve chosen divorce mediation, both to save time and money, there are several important things you’re going to have to consider.
Below are some powerful tips for divorce mediation to help you prepare. To keep your case out of court, this divorce mediation checklist will be very useful. It will help you better understand how to get what you want in divorce mediation and allow you the space to openly communicate to achieve your goals, both now and for the future.
#1 Mediation checklist item - choose the Right Mediator
If you’re doing mediation, your choice of mediator is crucial. Look for a professional who has an office around your area. Check their experience. Review their website and reviews, if possible. Find out what resources (other professionals, for example) they use. A good divorce mediator will work within a network, relying on other professionals in the field to give you the greatest results.
Also find out what they charge. Some will provide services at a flat rate while others charge on an hourly basis. An expert mediation can cost you from $4,000 to $7,000. This cost will be split between the parties. You can discuss the various payment options with your chosen mediator. This is one of those divorce mediation strategies and techniques that can help you save money in the long run.
#2 Mediation checklist item - Keep an Open Mind
The goal of divorce mediation is to have your divorce amicably resolved. This means a fair and reasonable division of assets. It also means childcare you can both be happy with. Remember, there will be times that you don’t get exactly what you want, and there will be times that you will need to give up some things. Any preconceived notion regarding how you want such a case to be resolved in your favour should be dropped from this moment.
Try not to get frustrated. This is very important and shouldn’t be ignored in any way. Divorce is an emotional process, but as difficult as it may be, try not to let your emotions get the better of you. Such feelings aren’t going to help the situation in any way. Don’t forget that this process is basically about getting your custodial and financial issues worked out instead of both parties blaming and accusing each other. Try your hardest to maintain a relationship that is civil with your spouse. This isn’t the time to take that car from him/her just because the title is in your name. Until every issue is settled, ensure that the status quo is maintained.
#3 Mediation checklist item - Gather Everything
A key to-do when preparing for mediation is to gather eveything. One of the reasons for divorce mediation is to ensure that marital assets are divided accordingly. So, it’s important that all of these assets have been listed. This will result in the best outcome, one that is fair and agreeable for both parties.
For a divorce meditation to be successful, all required information must be disclosed. And that means everything. For those martial estates that are complex (where there are lots of debts and assets), these details may prove to be very voluminous. That said, it’s important to put everything on the table from the very beginning. Take the time to go through your records and provide your mediator with everything they’ve asked for. If you miss something, this could delay the process. What’s worse, incorrect disclosure could get you in trouble with the law, so be upfront and honest!
When there is adequate preparation in the process of gathering vital information, things will always run far more smoothly.
4. Be Realistic with Asset Expectations
With non-monetary assets, values will need to be determined. Be realistic with these valuations, or use a professional. Then you’ll need to decide what is happening with these assets.
The marital home is the perfect example. The starting point is a market appraisal or analysis. For example, are you selling or will one party be living in the house and paying all the expenses? Who will cover maintenance? Be realistic about what you can afford. Don’t stay for sentimental reasons if the costs are unreasonable.
If you’re going to sell, a realtor should be chosen carefully. It can be very challenging trying to sell your house during a divorce. There may be issues such as how the house is going to be valued, who will be keeping it clean for showings, what repairs will need to be carried out, etc.
With the help of an expert realtor, you won’t be selling your house out of desperation. Such a professional will help ensure that your house is sold at the right price.
5. Be Ready to Make Some Sacrifices
In a divorce, you won’t get everything you want. That’s just the way the cookie crumbles. Your goal should be to come out of it without sustaining too much emotional trauma and being prepared for the future. You will most likely have to give in to some demands from your spouse, but so will they.
Try to forget about what you’ve been told by family and friends about what is fair and what isn’t. Such may not be applicable to your own case. You should focus on getting the most favourable results from your divorce negotiations. This is where your mediator will prove to be very helpful as you will be given top divorce mediation strategies and techniques that can help you focus on the future.
Every professional mediator will help come up with solutions that are creative in order for disagreements to be resolved. Solutions where you as well as your spouse will be benefiting are the best. Always look for those proposals where both parties are feeling good after negotiations. For instance, you may decide to take the house but cover the moving expenses of your spouse. You can even make some deposits on another apartment. Understanding how to get what you want in divorce mediation doesn’t have to involve using any exploitative strategy or means.
6. Consider the Kids
Custody of the children often becomes one of the most troublesome issues during divorce. This is especially true if there’s anger or resentment. Just remember, you want what’s best for your children, and approaching custody in a negative way won’t get you there. In the end, you won’t be happy unless your kids get the best treatment possible. Always prioritize the needs of your children before anything else. This is one of the top divorce mediation strategies and techniques to make your kids happy.
Moving forward, try to remember that the child custody schedule should be very flexible. There are times when the schedule may have to be changed as requested by you or even your spouse. Try to avoid making the mistake of punishing your spouse as this can also deprive your kids of valuable family time. Your kids will be the ones suffering in the end. The bonus here is that you will be living an exemplary life for your kids.
7. Review the Separation Agreement Carefully
If you’re overwhelmed, as is often the case with divorce, it’s easy to forget things. After several mediation sessions, you may not remember certain details. Before signing anything, review the document details carefully. Every detail should be a reflection of your agreements as listed out in the Memorandum of Understanding or separation agreement. Once it has been signed, making changes may be difficult. The most important thing is to ensure that every requirement within such an agreement is within your capacity.
Final Mediation checklist item - Have a Plan
Once you’ve finalized and signed your Separation Agreement, list out all the items that require the attention of both you and your spouse, including their respective due dates. Ensure that you are always referring to the list in order to remain on track. This is the best way to move forward.
Divorce can be an overwhelming experience for anyone. No matter how long you’ve been married, or the cause of the breakdown, it can be incredibly tough to face the fact that your marriage is ending. That said, by approaching your divorce in the right way, you will not only save yourself time and money, but you’ll also save yourself a mountain of stress! Family mediation gives you that space to communicate openly and effectively, with a neutral party, to resolve any issues and reach an agreement that meets the needs of all involved.
Are you having trouble reaching an agreement on your finances? Do you want to avoid going before the judge and asking for help? Consider working with a family mediator who can help you end your marriage in a way that is peaceful, cost-effective, and child-focused.
Would you like to learn more? Get in touch for a Get Acquainted Call to learn more about finding a separation agreement with a soft landing.
Articles that may interest You!
Divorce Mediation Checklist | Preparing for mediation Workbook
Preparing for Mediation Download
When you make the decision to separate, comforting and supportive words from friends and family can only help you so far.
Eventually, you are going to need facts and truths from an expert about what’s likely to happen and what you need to do during your separation and divorce. They say ‘it’s the not knowing that kills you’.
What can found in this ebook book:
- How to prepare for child support mediation
- How to get what you want in divorce mediation
- What to bring to divorce mediation
- Things to discuss in divorce mediation
So make sure you’re in-the-know by reading this DTSW Soft Landing Solution Guide.
I’m an Divorce Mediator and Certified Divorce Financial Analyst (CDFA).
It’s been a few years since I got divorced, and since then, I like to think I’ve helped many spouses through the turmoil of separation, without them having to endure lengthy and expensive legal proceedings.
I now specialize in providing comprehensive divorce mediation services leading to separation agreements. I know, first-hand, how stressful separating and divorcing is, which is why I’ve written this guide to hopefully give you clarity and a way forward through what lies ahead.
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Ken S, Maynard CDFA
We help smart and successful separating couples create separation agreements with clarity and soft landings for secure futures in 4 meetings or less without all the lawyer created overwhelming conflicts, confusion and costs.
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I help smart and successful couples, create separation agreements with clarity and soft landings for secure futures, in 4 meetings or less without all the lawyer created overwhelming conflicts, confusion and costs. You can work with me by video conference or with a DTSW associate at any of our 6 DTSW Greater Toronto mediation centers, including | Aurora | Barrie | North York | Vaughan | Mississauga | Scarborough.
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