What Is Separation Mediation?
Separation Mediation is key if you value your family, and want to limit the damage to your children.
Your first step should be to secure the services of a Family Mediator.
Separation mediation is the most sensible option for most couples.
It generally costs significantly less than litigation.
Lawyers will often introduce extra conflict and more delay into the process.
Separation Mediation replaces conflict and confusion with compromise and consideration.
How much does separation mediation cost
Counting the cost. Trying to make up for lost time. Picking up the pieces of damaged relationships. That’s the price many couples pay with separation.
The time-consuming, emotionally-draining tasks of deciding who gets what when it comes to child support payment and custody, finances, property and other possessions, soon takes it toll.
The whole process is made even more stressful if the spouses can barely communicate with each other. In such circumstances, many separating couples choose to hire the services of lawyers to do their bidding. Lawyers will often introduce extra conflict and more delay into the process, driving an even bigger wedge between the couple and their children, so that the levels of anger and animosity reach boiling point as time drags on and the expenses rise.
It’s an all too familiar separation scenario that occurs in the adversarial world of family law and lawyers, courts and judges. But there is an alternative. Family Mediation Services.
How does separation mediation work?
Couples seeking a legal separation voluntarily choose mediation when they want to separate as calmly and rationally as possible.
The whole approach dispenses with conflict and confusion and replaces it with compromise and consideration to deliver a negotiated separation agreement. And it all happens under the watchful eye of a qualified family mediator who will assist the spouses in reaching an agreement that’s tailored to their (and their family’s) unique needs.
7 Reasons To Choose Mediation
1) MORE AFFORDABLE – It generally costs significantly less than litigation
2) CO-OPERATIVE – more gets done when spouses are prepared to listen to each other during mediation rather than argue
3) GOOD FOR CHILDREN – the private nature of mediation protects children from much of the emotion and revelation that can be part and parcel of open court divorce proceedings.
4) MORE CONTROL – family mediation helps you shape the nature of your separation, unlike litigation, when it’s often a judge who will decide you and your family’s fate.
5) GOOD FOR SPOUSES – mediation keeps the lines of communication open between separating spouses, which bodes well for their future relationship, especially important if there are children involved.
6) GOOD FOR CHILDREN – the private nature of mediation protects children from much of the emotion and revelation that can be part and parcel of open court divorce proceedings
7) MORE CONTROL – divorce mediation helps you shape the nature of your separation, unlike litigation, when it’s often a judge who will decide you and your family’s fate.
How Successful Is Separation Mediation?
For the answer, we should look to a study carried out by the Universities of Ghent and Leuven in Belgium in 2012. They interviewed 469 separating individuals from that country.
- Approx 50% reported high levels of conflict with their spouse before separation
- 30% were helped to achieve a separation agreement by a family mediator
- 70% secured the services of a lawyer.
Compared with those who entered litigation, those who chose mediation reported that the separation agreement they reached was of a higher quality in terms of its fairness, clarity and the comprehensive nature of the issues it covered.
Of course, it must be remembered that all participants in the study decided for themselves whether to enter into mediation or litigation. It could well have been the case that those who chose mediation for their separation took a less confrontational approach to their separation than those who opted for litigation.
But this Belgian research still has significance, as it also looked at the negotiating styles used by lawyers and mediators. The study revealed two different approaches to Separation and Divorce Mediation:
Facilitative Mediation – focuses on helping spouses have a calm, amicable and open discussion and come to their own settlement.
Evaluative Mediation – the mediator garners information from each spouse about their position and proposes a settlement based on those findings.
Even lawyers were seeing the benefits
By far the best outcomes for the spouses in the study were achieved by the mediators and lawyers who took a facilitative approach. Lawyers? Yes, the report revealed that even divorce lawyers were seeing the benefits of facilitation, with many using it to de-escalate the conflict between couples.
How do I prepare for separation mediation?
It’s always wise to get independent legal advice before starting mediation. You should be aware of your legal rights and responsibilities regarding the matters you and your spouse are disputing, and your legal representative will be able to assess whether mediation is the right way forward for you.
How do you emotionally prepare for separation mediation?
You might shiver at the thought of having to sit down with your spouse and discuss the finer points of your life together and where you go from here. But don’t underestimate the power of family mediators to help you both find a solution – you don’t even need to be in the same room in some cases, thanks to the power of the internet.
The fact is separation mediation is the most sensible option for most couples who don’t want to blow their finances on lawyers and see their separation dragged through the court system. If you value your family, your future relationship with each other and want to limit the damage to your children, your first step should be to secure the services of a Family Mediator.
What A Separation Mediator Does
They will remain neutral throughout all your meetings, their aim being to help you and your former partner come to an agreement that’s in the best interests of yourselves and your family. It’s a case of helping you explore the options that are available to you both, and to find middle-ground that both of you can accept. If you find it difficult to communicate with each other, the presence of a divorce mediator can really help open those channels, so you can talk and come to some kind of agreement.
Things To Expect In Your Separation Mediation Sessions
Firstly, decide which one of you is going to take the lead when it comes to scheduling your mediation appointments. It just makes things easier than if you leave it to your lawyers or both try to get involved, and avoids unnecessary going backwards and forwards with messages and arrangements.
Expect to spend between 4 and 16 hours in mediation, with the average being somewhere in the middle. Those hours should be spread out over 2 to 4 sessions.
Usually, your first session will be 2 hours long, with the option to extend it if good progress is being made. During this time, your mediator will be able to assess whether mediation is the right option for you.
In the first couple of hours of your first mediation session, you are likely to have an introduction to the process from your mediator who will then ask you both to confirm your commitment to mediation. You’ll then be asked to sign a contract to that effect before you both share your side of the story so that the real work of mediation can begin.
Unlike litigation, in which you each hire and pay for a separate lawyer, in mediation you can both share the cost of one mediator. You can, of course, come to an agreement beforehand if one person is willing to pay more. One of you might even be prepared to pay for it all and take the other party’s share out of the final settlement. However you choose to split the payment, each mediation session will need to be paid for in advance or straight after it finishes.
Your mediator cannot provide legal advice to you or your spouse, but is permitted to share general legal information to help with discussions if required.
Most financially cost-effective settlement possible
It follows that if you are seeking the most financially cost-effective divorce possible, and the least emotionally-draining separation, seeking the services of mediators and lawyers who champion the effectiveness of frank, open and respectful negotiations represents the best way forward, and gives you the best chance of a separation agreement that both parties will adhere to
Conclusion
Most separation talks are started at a point when the two of you are stressed, unhappy and in an overwhelmed headspace, and it is precisely the time when many important considerations can get overlooked, avoided, or brushed aside as “too difficult.” For these reasons, it is of particular importance to have the early assistance of a neutral professional such as a mediator, divorce financial specialist or parenting specialist to amicably guide your settlement arrangements.
Would you like to learn more? Get in touch for a Get Acquainted Call to learn more about finding a separation agreement with a soft landing.
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Where to find a Neutral Professional
Mediators may also be members of one of the following organizations, each of which provides standards of professional conduct and complaints processes:
- Ontario Association for Family Mediation
- Family Mediation Canada
- ADR Institute of Ontario
- Family Dispute Resolution Institute of Ontario (FDRIO)
Other Professionals working as Neutrals
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We help smart and successful separating couples create separation agreements with clarity and soft landings for secure futures in 4 meetings or less without all the lawyer created overwhelming conflicts, confusion and costs.
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Contact Information
Ken S, Maynard CDFA
1.855.731.3500
647.360.3200
647.360.3200
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I help smart and successful couples, create separation agreements with clarity and soft landings for secure futures, in 4 meetings or less without all the lawyer created overwhelming conflicts, confusion and costs. You can work with me by video conference or with a DTSW associate at any of our 6 DTSW Greater Toronto mediation centers, including | Aurora | Barrie | North York | Vaughan | Mississauga | Scarborough.
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