Separation mediation is a voluntary, confidential process where you and your spouse work with one neutral professional to settle the terms of your separation: parenting, child support, spousal support, the home, property and debts. The mediator doesn’t decide anything and doesn’t take sides. You decide; the mediator keeps the conversation moving, makes sure the disclosure is complete, and writes up what you’ve agreed. In Ontario, that write-up becomes your separation agreement once each of you has had independent legal advice and signed it in front of a witness.

I’m Ken Maynard, an accredited family mediator (AP.fm) and Certified Divorce Financial Analyst. I’ve mediated separations in Ontario since 2010, by video and at our Greater Toronto mediation centres. This page answers the questions I get on almost every first call: what actually happens in mediation, what it costs, how long it takes, whether I can write the agreement, and when mediation is the wrong tool.

What a separation mediator does, and doesn’t do

A family mediator is a neutral. Not your advocate, not your spouse’s, and not a judge. In practice that means:

• Screens both of you first. Before any joint session, an accredited mediator meets each spouse separately to check for family violence, power imbalances and anything that would make mediation unsafe or unfair. If mediation isn’t appropriate, we say so.
• Runs the sessions. Sets the agenda, keeps both of you talking about the issue on the table, and stops the conversation sliding into the fights you’ve already had.
• Makes sure the disclosure is complete. Both of you exchange full financial disclosure before any numbers are negotiated. Agreements built on thin disclosure are the ones courts set aside.
• Gives legal information, not legal advice. I can explain how the Child Support Guidelines work or what equalization means. I can’t tell you what to accept. That’s your own lawyer’s job.
• Drafts the agreement. At DTSW I draft the full separation agreement from your decisions, not a memorandum of understanding that a lawyer has to turn into a contract later. More on that below.
• Doesn’t make decisions. If you can’t agree, the mediator doesn’t impose an answer. That’s the difference between mediation and arbitration or court.

If you’re weighing mediation against hiring lawyers, read mediator vs lawyer.

Can a mediator write a separation agreement?

Yes. Nothing in Ontario law requires a lawyer to draft a separation agreement. Under section 55(1) of the Family Law Act, a domestic contract is enforceable when it’s in writing, signed by both parties and witnessed. Who typed it doesn’t matter to the court. What matters is what’s underneath it: full financial disclosure, both spouses understanding what they signed, and no pressure. Section 56(4) lets a court set aside an agreement that fails those tests, whether a mediator, a lawyer or a template produced it.

Mediators work two ways here. Some produce a memorandum of understanding (a summary of the terms) and send the couple to lawyers to draft the contract. At DTSW, I draft the complete separation agreement, with every clause, from the decisions you made in the room. Each of you then takes it to your own lawyer for independent legal advice, the lawyer signs a certificate, and you sign in front of a witness. The agreement is binding from that moment, and it can be filed with the court (Form 26B) so the Family Responsibility Office enforces the support terms. Read what a separation agreement covers for the ten things the draft includes.

Two limits worth knowing. A mediator can’t give either of you legal advice, so the ILA step isn’t a formality; it’s what protects the agreement from a later claim that one of you didn’t understand it. And a mediator can’t make your spouse sign. If one of you won’t engage, mediation can’t start, and the options are negotiation through lawyers or a court application.

How separation mediation works, step by step

1. Get Acquainted Call. A free 15-minute call. I ask where you are, what’s settled and what isn’t, and tell you plainly whether mediation fits. If it doesn’t, I say so.
2. Intake and screening. A separate conversation with each of you, in confidence. This is where safety, power imbalances and readiness are checked, and where you each sign the mediation agreement that sets the ground rules, including confidentiality.
3. Disclosure. Both of you complete a sworn financial statement with the documents behind it: income, every asset, every debt, pensions, at the date of marriage and the date of separation. Our Disclosure Workshop walks you through it. Nothing is negotiated until this is done.
4. Joint sessions. Usually by video, sometimes in person at one of our centres; video sessions take about as long as in-person ones. We take the issues in a sensible order: the parenting schedule and parenting plan first if there are children, then child support, then spousal support, then the home, the equalization payment, pension valuation and debts. As a CDFA I model the after-tax effect of each option so you’re choosing between real numbers, not guesses.
5. Drafting. I draft the separation agreement from your decisions, in plain language, and send it to both of you to read.
6. Independent legal advice and signing. Each of you reviews the draft with your own lawyer. If a lawyer suggests a change, it comes back to the table. Then you sign, witnessed, and each keep a copy.

How long does it take? Many couples reach a complete agreement in about four meetings over a few weeks to a few months. Others need more time, and that’s fine; the pace is set by your situation, not a formula. Read what to expect in divorce mediation for what the first session feels like.

What separation mediation costs in Ontario

At DTSW, mediation is billed by the hour and the cost is shared between you, which is the main reason it’s cheaper than two lawyers: one professional, one set of meetings, no letters billed twice. Most couples spend between $2,140 and $7,060 per couple plus HST for a complete separation agreement, and we work on a sliding scale, so some families pay less. On top of that, each of you pays your own lawyer for independent legal advice, usually a flat fee. The full rate card is on how much mediation costs in Ontario, and separation agreement cost explains what moves the number.

Ontario also offers court-connected family mediation through the family courts: free on-site mediation for a matter that’s before the court that day, and subsidized off-site mediation on a sliding scale based on income. It’s a good option for families with a court file and a narrow issue. Private mediation is the usual choice when there’s no court file, when the money is complicated, or when you want the same person to take you from first meeting to signed agreement.

Legal separation mediation: you don’t need to be divorcing

There’s no legal separation status to apply for in Ontario (see how to separate in Ontario), so “legal separation mediation” means the same thing as separation mediation: settling your affairs in a written agreement while you remain married. Many couples mediate a separation agreement and never divorce, or divorce years later. The agreement covers everything that matters; the divorce, when it comes, is paperwork. Common-law couples use exactly the same process, and need it more, since Ontario’s property-division rules don’t apply to them automatically.

When mediation is the wrong choice

I turn away couples when mediation won’t serve them. Those situations are:

• Family violence or fear. If one of you is afraid of the other, there’s no fair negotiation. Screening is designed to find this, and the answer is lawyers, with safety planning first.
• Hidden money. If a spouse won’t disclose, mediation has nothing to work with. A court can order disclosure; a mediator can’t.
• One spouse won’t participate. Mediation is voluntary, and voluntary means both of you. A refusal to come to the table ends it, though a neutral invitation from the mediator often works where a lawyer’s letter doesn’t.
• Someone needs a decision made for them. If you need a ruling, that’s arbitration or court.

Mediation is voluntary for separating couples in Ontario, though courts strongly encourage it and some court processes require you to consider it. See mandatory mediation in Ontario.

Confidentiality, open and closed mediation

Mediation at DTSW is closed: what’s said in the room stays in the room and can’t be used in court later, which is what lets people make offers freely. Open mediation, where the mediator can report to the court, exists mainly in court-connected parenting cases. The mediation agreement you sign at intake says which one you’re in. Either way, the signed separation agreement itself is a normal contract, and the financial disclosure behind it is what a court would see if the agreement were ever challenged.

How to prepare for separation mediation

• Start the disclosure early. Statements, tax returns, pension information. It’s the slowest part.
• Know what matters most to you and where you can give. Write both lists down.
• Get a short legal consultation before you start if you don’t know your rights. Thirty minutes with a family lawyer is enough to know the range of outcomes.
• Decide who schedules. One of you books the sessions; it avoids a week of back-and-forth.
• Come to the first session willing to listen. The spouse who talks least in session one usually gets the most done by session three.

Key takeaways

• Separation mediation is voluntary and confidential. The mediator is neutral and doesn’t decide anything; you do.
• A mediator can write your separation agreement in Ontario. It becomes binding when both of you sign it, witnessed, after independent legal advice.
• Expect screening, disclosure, joint sessions, a draft, then ILA and signing. Many couples finish in about four meetings.
• DTSW mediation runs $2,140 to $7,060 per couple plus HST, shared. Court-connected mediation through Ontario’s family courts is free or subsidized for families with a court file.
• Mediation is the wrong tool where there’s fear, hidden money, or a spouse who won’t come to the table.

Separation mediation: FAQ

What does a mediator do in a separation?

Screens both spouses, runs the sessions, organizes disclosure, and writes up what you agree

A mediator is neutral and gives legal information, not legal advice. The mediator doesn’t make decisions for you. At DTSW the mediator also drafts the complete separation agreement from your decisions.

Can a mediator write a separation agreement in Ontario?

Yes

The Family Law Act requires only that the agreement be written, signed by both spouses and witnessed. A mediator-drafted agreement is binding once each spouse has had independent legal advice and signed. Some mediators produce a memorandum of understanding instead and leave the drafting to lawyers; DTSW drafts the full agreement.

How much does a separation mediator cost in Ontario?

At DTSW, $2,140 to $7,060 per couple plus HST for a complete agreement, shared between spouses

Mediation is billed hourly and we work on a sliding scale. Each spouse also pays for their own independent legal advice. Court-connected mediation through Ontario’s family courts is free on-site and subsidized off-site for families with a court file.

How long does separation mediation take?

Many couples finish in about four meetings; disclosure sets the pace

Gathering statements and pension information usually takes longer than the sessions themselves. Complex finances or a lot of disagreement take more meetings, and that’s fine.

Is a separation agreement written by a mediator legally binding?

Yes, once it’s signed by both spouses and witnessed

It’s a domestic contract under the Family Law Act. A court can set it aside only for non-disclosure, lack of understanding or pressure, which is why disclosure and independent legal advice are built into the process.

Do both spouses have to agree to mediation?

Yes, it’s voluntary

If one spouse won’t participate, mediation can’t start. An invitation from the mediator often succeeds where a lawyer’s letter doesn’t, but nobody can be forced to the table.

Do I need a lawyer if I use a mediator?

Not for the mediation. Yes, for independent legal advice before you sign

Each spouse’s own lawyer reviews the agreement and signs a certificate. Most family lawyers offer this for a flat fee. It’s the step that protects the agreement later.

Is mediation confidential?

Yes, in closed mediation, which is what DTSW uses

What’s said in the sessions can’t be used in court later. Open mediation, where the mediator can report to the court, is mostly used in court-connected parenting cases.

Can we mediate if we don’t plan to divorce?

Yes

Separation mediation settles your affairs in a separation agreement while you stay married. Many couples never divorce, or divorce years later. The agreement does the work either way.

What is mediation for legal separation?

The same thing as separation mediation

Ontario has no legal separation status to apply for. Mediation produces the written separation agreement that settles parenting, support and property, which is what people mean by a legal separation.

Can mediation work if we’re in high conflict?

Often, yes, if both of you are safe and willing

Screening comes first. Where there’s no fear and both spouses will engage, a mediator can structure the conversation so that even couples who can’t talk at home reach terms. Where there’s family violence or hidden money, lawyers are the right tool.

This article is general information, not legal advice. Ken Maynard is a mediator and CDFA, not a lawyer. Separation agreements drafted at DTSW go to each spouse’s own lawyer for independent legal advice. The Family Law Act and Ontario’s family mediation page were checked in October 2026.