This divorce mediation case study from Scarborough shows several significant hurdles frequently encountered during the divorce process. Further, it illustrates why the choice of divorce mediation — particularly employing the Soft Landing Divorce Settlement Method — is often a more fruitful and less anxiety-inducing option compared to traditional litigation.
Robert, a Scarborough local, is a committed professional at a company based in Markham. Known for his intellect and fidelity, he is viewed by his colleagues as an individual with great potential for ascending to senior management. In addition, Robert is a dedicated family man, taking immense pride in his two children. He and his wife, Laura, had shared fifteen years of marriage when an unexpected upheaval abruptly disrupted his life.
In this blog post, as a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst (CDFA) and family law mediator, I will share an enlightening real-world case study. It demonstrates the utility and efficacy of mediation in resolving divorce and related financial disputes.
Get Acquainted Call
Our journey usually starts with Get Acquainted Call. This was the case when Robert contacted Divorce the Smartway to clarify the divorce mediation process. Unfortunately, a common misunderstanding was unveiled during our conversation – Robert initially believed mediation was a tool for mending broken relationships. However, mediation is designed to facilitate positive separations rather than resurrect failing relationships. As a family divorce mediator, I facilitate discussions as a neutral third party, helping couples establish their agenda and reach decisions that best suit their family without giving legal advice.
Client Outcome Visioning Meeting
The first meeting usually happens individually with each party, maintaining complete confidentiality. This meeting aims to outline the mediation process and assess whether mediation, arbitration, or court proceedings would be most suitable. Even for those leaning towards a court application, a MIAM meeting is required, as it is widely recognized that resolutions achieved through direct party discussions often result in more positive outcomes for families than judgments imposed by a court.
Skepticism about Lawyers
When I first met Robert, he expressed his skepticism about lawyers and shared some unresolved financial issues he was grappling with. However, he seemed more comfortable with the process once he understood that the final decisions would be his and Laura’s, not mine.
In a subsequent meeting with Laura, she described the end of a once-thriving relationship. It was clear that Laura had progressed further in accepting the end of the marriage compared to Robert. After the meeting, both parties agreed that mediation was an appropriate course, and we moved on to the joint sessions.
Joint Zoom Video Conferences Sessions
The initial step of the joint sessions involves signing an Agreement to Mediate, encapsulating the fundamental principles of mediation: voluntariness, mediator impartiality, confidentiality, and a shared commitment to the process. This agreement forms the foundation of the divorce mediation process.
After the agreement, the parties lay out their agenda, which could encompass divorce proceedings, childcare arrangements, and asset division, among other things.
Primary Point of Contention
In Robert and Laura’s case, the primary point of contention was how Robert would financially support Laura on an ongoing basis.
The process can be emotional, difficult, and fraught with challenges. Robert’s stance was derived from his belief that his hard work was the reason they could afford their home and lifestyle. On the other hand, Laura wanted to rely on Robert only for a while. She felt her contributions to the family and household during Robert’s long working hours were unacknowledged.
Open Communication and Understanding
Through open communication and understanding, Robert and Laura reached a compromise. They agreed that Robert would provide Laura with a higher monthly payment for a few months while she sought employment and then adjust the amount according to her earnings and job stability.
Such a fluid, personalized solution would likely have been impossible to attain through court proceedings. Instead of one party “winning” at the expense of the other, mediation led to an amicable resolution that both parties were comfortable with. It’s worth noting that a successful outcome doesn’t necessarily mean “winning,” especially when it comes to ending a marriage and particularly when children are involved. The ultimate goal is to form a new family structure harmoniously.
Ends on a High Note
Robert and Laura’s story ends on a high note. After resolving their issues, they even took a skiing trip with their grown children, maintaining a strong, albeit separated, family unit. The final meeting involved virtual tours of each of their new homes and a friendly chat with their family pet. This a testament to what can be achieved when we work towards a “good divorce.”
As a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst (CDFA), I worked alongside Robert and Laura to understand their financial circumstances and concerns more fully. This role was not to side with either party or to provide legal advice but to offer an impartial view of their financial situation and provide them with the information needed to make informed decisions.
In addition, I focused on their unique needs, helping them both to visualize their future financial health. While voicing their concerns, wishes, and fears, providing a platform for open conversation, helping both sides to understand each other’s perspectives, and allowing them to work together towards an agreement that suits their family’s unique needs. This approach often results in more satisfying outcomes, more sustainable, and less traumatic than court-imposed decisions.
