Top 6 Common Divorce Mistakes
What’s My Best Piece of Divorce Advice?
I meet with divorcing couples on a regular basis. Two questions I am often I’m asked “Are assets always split 50/50 in a divorce?” and what are the “Common Divorce Mistakes?” And over the years I’ve gathered more than my fair share of answers. But one of the most essential pieces of divorce advice I can give is to avoid these top 6 common divorce mistakes.
Here are the top 6 Common Divorce Mistakes
My Best Divorce Advice for Separating Couples
#1 Common Divorce Negotiation Mistake. Understand Your Goals
The best way to accomplish a goal is to understand the path to success. When you understand the “how,” you’ll always be better prepared to make good decisions. Instead of asking “why,” begin with “how.” This approach makes people open up rather than causing them to get defensive. For example, asking, “How can we work on this?” prompts a dialogue about the process. It helps both of you work together on a solution.
#2 Common Divorce Settlement Mistake - Settle Out of Court
This is a big one, and something I try to work on with my clients to achieve on a daily basis. If at any point, you have the choice to settle during mediation or to settle in court, my divorce advice is to always choose the former. There are two reasons mediation is the better option. The first is that going to court is expensive. In Family Court aka the Divorce Industrial Complex you’ll have to pay the lawyers, which makes them the only winners in this case. At the end of the day, there may be very little left to share between the two parties. The second is in mediation you maintain control over the outcome. Meaning you can craft the outcome rather than having one imposed on you.
#3 Common Divorce Mistake - Be Realistic About Your Needs
Before dividing your assets, think hard about what you really need. What do you need to have once the divorce is final? Create a budget, identify which assets will help ensure your financial security, and negotiate based on this.
One of the biggest divorce mistakes I see is people fighting for what they want, not what they need. It’s essential to be realistic. You’ll need to deal with the expenses of divorce. You may also be relying on decreased income post-separation. Don’t let your pride take over. Also, request help from family and friends when you need it. Try not to forego your security; organize this above other “materialistic” things.
#4 Financial Mistakes - Remember, Annuities Can be Worth More than Houses
Don’t make the mistake of exchanging a pension for the matrimonial home. This is standout among the most well-known divorce mistakes individuals make. The pensions and the matrimonial home are key resources in your marriage. Many people find it hard to imagine living outside the matrimonial home. Don’t forget, there are a lot of expenses when retaining the home. You’ll need to pay the mortgage, for any repairs and property taxes. You can’t use a window to put food on the table in your retirement years. Really consider the value, both now and in the future, of ALL assets before agreeing to an outright exchange.
#5 Self-Care in Divorce - Focus on Your Well-being
Figure out the issues that are essential to you and focus on them. These issues should concern the funds and child rearing. Consider sorting out these issues with the aid of a financial expert. You can also contact a therapist to help you hash them out. By articulating your needs and objectives, you’ll end up spending less time and cash. You’ll also be able to avoid unnecessary emotional unrest.
#6 Unmanaged Emotions - Don’t Let Your Emotions Cloud Your Judgment
This is perhaps my most important piece of divorce advice. Going through a divorce can be very difficult. That said, don’t let your feelings impact your decision-making. The more furious your feelings, the more drawn out the procedure. The separation will also cost you more. Here are 5 ways to help you isolate feelings from financial aspects:
- Don’t let guilt get the better of you.
- Go to bat for yourself and take care of your needs.
- Abandon vengeance. It doesn’t make a difference who messed up. Don’t let anger control the process.
- Try not to undermine your partner. Cash has a connection to influence. Don’t use the money to control your partner.
- Concentrate on critical thinking, not battling. Avoid letting meetings with your partner become a show of who’s in charge.
What are the four main issues in divorce?
There are four essential things that will help you recover financially after a divorce:
- A home
- Almost no obligation / debt
- Retirement resources
- Fluid cash
Make progress toward each of these. By avoiding these common divorce mistakes, you’ll be much more prepared to face a new beginning post-divorce.
Should you require our advice and assistance, please do not hesitate to contact Ken S. Maynard at Divorce the Smartway. To Schedule, a Complimentary “Get Acquainted Call” with Ken. TAP HERE
Have a Question or two about a Soft Landing?
since you’re here…
Do you value fair costs, compressed timelines, your well-being and a favourable outcome?
If you have children, are approaching retirement, or simply in the primary pursuits of life, no matter what your station in life, separation and divorce often presents some unique challenges. That said reaching a settlement should not break you financially or break your family. Like life, Separation and divorce also have their stages. The early decisions you make and the path you take are directly connected to the quality of your outcome.
The path you take
Let’s hear from Divorce Industry insiders about lawyers and litigation.
“Entering the litigation process forces people to take an adversarial stance because that’s the way the system is designed.”
“Because a court can only do so many things, the answers are impeaching us already. Has to be custody, has to be access, has to be amount of support, has to be division of assets, in a way that the law stipulates. So they’re very bounded by the results because a court can only order so many things.”
“Lawyers unfortunately because that’s their job, tend to reinforce that [adversarial stance]. When you have people who are hurt, who are in crises, who are afraid, who are worried, and they see it as a war. And that’s really dreadful for kids”
June Maresca – Family Court Judge
“The process requires people to bring out the worst in each other. My ex-husband is like this and like that, all the most horrible things. My ex-wife is like this and like that, it brings out the worst in people. So the other party reading that gets their back up and retaliates.”
“She said I knew that our marriage was broken, but after the litigation our family was broken. And it just, it broke my heart.”
Toni Pietrantoni – Family Law Lawyer
“Once you thrown mud at somebody and they throw mud back at you, it typically gets to the point where the hate level does not decrease, the hate level increases.”
“When I see litigation, it’s based on a binary system. You either win or you lose, or on an issue, you’re right or you’re wrong.”
Richard Bennett – Family Law Lawyer
“And at one point my mom said well you have to choose who you’re going to live with, me or your dad. And I couldn’t study for about a good two months and we had finals coming up, so it was difficult.”
Child of Divorce
“The time has come for a fresh conceptual approach to resolution of family disputes in Ontario”
Warren Winkler – Ontario Chief Justice 2007 – 2013
“The empirical evidence shows that it isn’t necessarily the separation and the divorcing of parents that creates the psychological and emotional damage in children, it is the conflict that happens afterwards.”
Julia Haasz – Family Law Lawyer
“The litigation process is expensive, time-consuming, and it’s not going to have the effect people think it’s going to have.”
Francine E. Van Melle – Family Court Judge
What about Self-Representation?
The family court system has seen a terrific increase in the number of self-represented litigants (self-reps, or SRLs) over the past few years. But what does it mean to be a self-rep? Judges and lawyers, as well as the system itself, are all struggling to understand who how to better accommodate self-reps in a system built upon the expectation of both parties having lawyers to act for them.
The National Self-represented Litigants Project revealed some disturbing figures. Over a period of 4 years and 3 months ending April 6, 2016, in Ontario Superior Court cases where there was one self-rep and one represented client, the self-rep won only 14% of the time and lost 73% of the time. (The remainder resulted in no orders or split orders.) While there are many explanations for this, it’s clear that a person without any legal help or assistance is facing an uneven playing field.
The resolution value ladder
The further down the resolution value ladder you start, the higher cost go, and the longer timelines extend. Bypass low-value processes and start with the high-value mediation process. Whether you have a settlement in mind and just need a separation agreement prepared or need assistance reaching a settlement, contain costs and conflict by working with a neutral third-party – mediator.
Learn more about Soft Landing Divorce Settlement Method
“Research tells us the greater the degree to which the parents own the outcome, the greater the likelihood they will actually follow through, and that reduces the conflict.”
“People are like snowflakes, families are like snowflakes. No two are the same. And so the benefit of a collaborative process, there is no rubber stamp, there is no template that anyone has to fit in to”
Gary Direnfeld Social Worker MSW, RSW
Ken Maynard ADFA, Acc.FM
I assist intelligent and successful couples in crafting clear and straightforward separation agreements, ensuring a smooth transition towards a secure future. This is achieved in four meetings or less, sidestepping the excessive conflicts, confusion, and costs often associated with legal proceedings. You have the option to collaborate with me via video conference or in-person with a DTSW associate at any of our six Greater Toronto mediation centers, located in Aurora, Barrie, North York, Vaughan, Mississauga, and Scarborough.
Have a few questions - Tap here to Schedule a Get Acquainted Call
-
Ken Maynard ADFA, Acc.FMhttps://divorcethesmartway.ca/author/wardman/May 23, 2023
-
Ken Maynard ADFA, Acc.FMhttps://divorcethesmartway.ca/author/wardman/June 2, 2022
-
Ken Maynard ADFA, Acc.FMhttps://divorcethesmartway.ca/author/wardman/May 20, 2022
-
Ken Maynard ADFA, Acc.FMhttps://divorcethesmartway.ca/author/wardman/June 1, 2023