Top 6 Common Divorce Mistakes

My Best Divorce Advice for Separating Couples

The best way to accomplish a goal is to understand the path to success. When you understand the “how,” you’ll always be better prepared to make good decisions. Instead of asking “why,” begin with “how.” This approach makes people open up rather than causing them to get defensive. For example, asking, “How can we work on this?” prompts a dialogue about the process. It helps both of you work together on a solution.

This is a big one, and something I try to work on with my clients to achieve on a daily basis. If at any point, you have the choice to settle during mediation or to settle in court, my divorce advice is to always choose the former. There are two reasons mediation is the better option. The first is that going to court is expensive. In Family Court aka the Divorce Industrial Complex you’ll have to pay the lawyers, which makes them the only winners in this case. At the end of the day, there may be very little left to share between the two parties. The second is in mediation you maintain control over the outcome. Meaning you can craft the outcome rather than having one imposed on you.

Before dividing your assets, think hard about what you really need. What do you need to have once the divorce is final? Create a budget, identify which assets will help ensure your financial security, and negotiate based on this.

One of the biggest divorce mistakes I see is people fighting for what they want, not what they need. It’s essential to be realistic. You’ll need to deal with the expenses of divorce. You may also be relying on decreased income post-separation. Don’t let your pride take over. Also, request help from family and friends when you need it. Try not to forego your security; organize this above other “materialistic” things.

Don’t make the mistake of exchanging a pension for the matrimonial home. This is standout among the most well-known divorce mistakes individuals make. The pensions and the marital home are key resources in your marriage. Many people find it hard to imagine living outside the matrimonial home. Don’t forget, there are a lot of expenses when retaining the home. You’ll need to pay the mortgage, for any repairs and property taxes. You can’t use a window to put food on the table in your retirement years. Really consider the value, both now and in the future, of ALL assets before agreeing to an outright exchange.

Figure out the issues that are essential to you and focus on them. These issues should concern the funds and child rearing. Consider sorting out these issues with the aid of a financial expert. You can also contact a therapist to help you hash them out. By articulating your needs and objectives, you’ll end up spending less time and cash. You’ll also be able to avoid unnecessary emotional unrest.

This is perhaps my most important piece of divorce advice. Going through a divorce can be very difficult. That said, don’t let your feelings impact your decision-making. The more furious your feelings, the more drawn out the procedure. The separation will also cost you more. Here are 5 ways to help you isolate feelings from financial aspects:

• Don’t let guilt get the better of you.
• Go to bat for yourself and take care of your needs.
• Abandon vengeance. It doesn’t make a difference who messed up. Don’t let anger control the process.
• Try not to undermine your partner. Cash has a connection to influence. Don’t use the money to control your partner.
• Concentrate on critical thinking, not battling. Avoid letting meetings with your partner become a show of who’s in charge.